old blog/new blog

A long time ago I used to write a blog while I was raising my two oldest children. It was during a time in my life when I was struggling to get my footing as a mom of a strong-willed child. Each day that I wrote a post was a gift of God as He showed me what He was trying to teach me. I would start out writing about some struggle that I was having and by the end of my writing, He would have taught me a lesson that I would have totally missed if I had not taken the time to write the blog post. It was the best kind of devotional time for me and the way I am wired.

And then I let life get in the way.

The tug to write has always been there. But I’ve allowed a whole variety of doubts to get in the way. Not the typical “doubting in myself” kind of doubts, but the doubting of “whether I should actually be putting any of my thoughts into a public place like this blog” kind of doubts.

You see, about 5 years ago, I noticed a shift in the online world. The online public began looking for ways to pick people apart. Nobody was looking for the good anymore. They looked for ulterior motives that weren’t always there. They were intentional about creating division. And they were vocal with thoughts that probably should have never been typed out loud. And by “public,” I mean people that I knew personally.

Now this has been happening for a long time on the internets, I’m sure. But I really noticed it 5 years ago. Go ahead and do the math.

So I stepped back. Instead I dabbled here and there with my writing. I put my big toe in the water, but actually more like hovered above the water. I had lots of thought and ideas and even plans. But that’s all the farther any of it went.

I really missed the connection that writing brought me to God.

I have other habits that I’ve created to be close to Him. And they have been life changing. But this desire to connect through writing never goes away.

So I will write. I will shove away doubts because ultimately, God is bigger than my fears. He is bigger than the mean people on the internet. He will do with my words what He wants to do with my words and I will just try to be obedient with them.

And maybe someday I’ll even tell people that I’m writing again!